5 months ago I lost my job.
For some people that is the worst thing they could possibly deal with. I, on the other hand, was ecstatic and skipped out of the office doors for the last time. I’d been at that job for 17 years. At 37, there wasn’t much I’d done for over 17 years other than breathe. So to work at a job (not a career) for that long had become monotonous, laboring, and downright miserable. To know that those days were ending AND they were going to keep paying me was the best news I’d gotten in years.
I was excited to not only have time to decompress from the last 17 years, but to finally spend my days doing exactly what I wanted. That meant I could write at my leisure. I can work out more frequently. I had this whole masterplan of making life in my home so amazing that my husband and kids wouldn’t even want me to go back to work!! Neatly folded laundry, home cooked meals, gym flow wife with the energy to cook, clean, garden and have sex like a porn star nightly!! Life was about to be LIT! I decided to pace myself though. Hubby and I agreed for me to take the first few weeks to not worry about anything. I needed to wrap my head around this major lifestyle change and really release the stress of almost 2 decades. Those few weeks somehow turned to 4, the 4 weeks turned to 2 months, and 3 months later, I looked up and realized I hadn’t done SHIT! Clothes piled up, my house looked like I’d abandoned it, and my oldest took that summer to express her love of cooking, so dinners were prepared for me. I hadn’t seen the inside of a gym since 2nd day out of work. I was PATHETIC. Hindsight being 20/20, I actually was in a bit of a depression.
I mulled my daily schedule over and over in my head until I overwhelmed myself with ideas and goals and expectations and ended up just taking a nap. I woke up at 12 in the afternoon and went to bed at 3am having done nothing. My kids would see me sleep when they left in the morning and in the bed sleep or watching TV when they got home. Not only was I not doing anything with myself, my kids were collectively giving me the side eye. That’s when depression was met with mommy guilt. What type of example am I setting for my girls. I had to get myself together.
In evaluating what exactly was going on with me and how to get the hell out of it, I realized the following:
- I am not Housewife material.
Cooking, cleaning, laundry and various chores are more of a team sport to me. My over-critical, self-inflicting Virgo nature will easily become overwhelmed when the responsibilities of a Stepford wife is presented to me.
- Structure is Key!
No matter what you do with your life, housewife, sales man, cubicle life, or running a business, having structure to your job is vital! For some that means organizing your life down to the nano second, for others it may mean a rough outline for how your day should go. For me, it means LISTS. To do lists are the outline of my life. You should always have a game plan. How does one sit on their ass for 3 months and do nothing?? By not having a plan!! (But I have to stop buying day planners, they are a waste of my coinage. I never use them and you can’t write lists in them!)
- Your kids are always watching!! Be cognizant of what you are showing them!
After 3 months of nothingness, that’s what I realized. HOWEVER, I wasn’t ready to go back to work yet. I didn’t know what I wanted to do and I was scared to death to end up in the same position for another 17 years. So, to get productive, and get my creative juices going, I started this. This blog that is! I started Naturally Na. I created an outlet. My children started to see me out the bed and at the computer. I was researching and planning. Working with the Husband to get these video concepts together and then we started shooting. My kids not only saw me active, but they saw me happy. Something they hadn’t seen in a while. I wasn’t cranky like I was after working at my stressful job all day, and I wasn’t a lazy ass either. My kids noticed, and the whole vibe in my house changed, for the better.
Life was good. Naturally Na was rolling and I was excited about life. I still hadn’t made it to the gym, but, one thing at a time right!? Then August hit and I realized that good ole severance check was about to run out. And with only a little over one month in, I wasn’t to the point where I could supplement any income with my hobby yet. I felt like everyone in my house knew it too. My oldest started talking about getting a job and I couldn’t help but question her motives. Plus, my anxiety started kicking in (I’ve named my anxiety Penelope, it helps me cope with her bothersome ass). Penelope was making it clear that these bills aren’t going to stop coming, and it’s not fair to make your AMAZINGLY supportive husband bear the brunt of all these little women in our house. For a change, I thought Penelope was making sense, so I decided it was time for a J.O.B. So here I am, back in a cubicle chair, typing on the company’s Office Suite while waiting for training on a new chapter to begin.
What the hell!?!
So, what have I learned in the last 5 months. Well, there’s really nothing wrong with being a 9-5 type person. It really takes a different mindset to be able to not lose yourself in the freedom of working for yourself, or for no one at all. Its not for everyone, and that’s okay. Boundaries can be blessings and some people need help setting them. No shame there. So I have accepted that the boundaries that this new 9-5 job puts around my time, forces me to structure the rest of my day, and it makes me more productive.
Now, I just have to keep on working on my own thing until it gives me the same type of boundaries.
Now time to get to work!!